January 14, 2014

"You Don't Choose a Life, You Live One"

I've been struggling for some time. To find a niche, a purpose, hell anything to get me out of my "I hate California and wish we would move away from this dying hell hole of backwardness".

To say I've been negative would be an understatement. I look back a year ago and I was so happy. So very happy with where we were, we had a GREAT adventure in Texas and everything was falling into place. And then I got a job, and well then my life sort of flashed before my eyes.

My job sucked the life out of me in 10 months and I just feel used and worn out. And then I lost my job. Ironic right? So now I'm unhappy with no money, no job, and just trying to "find the good" in the situation.

My husband has been so graciously supportive and understanding and well, just phenomenal. I mean really. He's totally fine with me taking my time and finding "the right" job for me this time around. Something that makes me happy, has good management, has growth potential, and that doesn't suck my soul. I worked 590 hours of overtime in 10 months. That's working a second job without the pay. I'm worn out to say the least.

On Sunday, we were having a lazy day. I've been deprived from human interaction since my girl friend left and I've been at home, so I drank a little too much in my joy to talk to people on Saturday night. My husband thought it was hilarious, I was cursing everything that moved and breathed on Sunday. So our lazy day consisted of hangover food (well as hangover as you can get in a house that lacks processed food) and movies.

We stumbled upon a movie on Netflix that I don't remember seeing before. The Way.

If you haven't seen it, I encourage it and I won't ruin it for you, but I will talk about my inspiration. This guy in the movie embarks on a Historical Pilgrimage: Camino de Santiago (it's real by the way, google it), where he kind of has some giant life lessons. But that's the point of the 800 KM walk from France to Spain. People do it for religious reasons, for personal reasons, to find themselves, or to just appreciate something our ancestors have been doing since biblical times.

But what spoke to me the most was in the first 20 minutes of the film, one of the main characters says "You don't choose a life Dad, you Live One". WHERE HAVE I BEEN THE LAST YEAR?!?!

That was it, that was my moment! My wake up call! My "HELLO, EARTH TO LC! " this was it. And so I decided that with the Start of Jan 15 Body Rock Challenge for 30 days, I was going to make a plan. A plan to enjoy life. To choose to LIVE a life, not just choose a life. My circumstances are like anyone elses and I need to find my happy place.

And to start off, my first plan will be:

  1. Be nicer to my husband- remember why I fell in love with him and give to him like I did when we were first dating. Selflessly.
  2. Be gracious to my in-laws and try not to pull my hair out. See this as a wonderful blessing they are coming to visit and relish in every moment. Positively.
  3. Listen more to my friends, really listen to them. On the phone, in person, they've been so helpful to me this last year and I need to return the favor.
  4. Do something I love once a day, whatever strikes my mood. Read a book, go for a run, take a bubble bath. Whatever I feel like. It can be 5 minutes or an hour, who cares. But do one thing for me a day.
  5. Appreciate my dogs a little more. Spend time with each of them and remember how loving and self sacrificing they are. Most days I take them for granted.

By the end of my 30 day challenge I want to have mastered these goals and I will set new goals for myself.

I'm Living a Life in 2014, Not Choosing One.

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